Went to the UC Davis vs Cal State Northridge game on Saturday.
Regardless of these teams not being soccer powers, the trip was worthwhile for two reasons:
1) I got 90 minutes of laughter.
2) I got to see three players with quality on the field.
I’ll cover the first here and the second in the next post.
90 minutes of laughter
The UC Davis soccer team is a complete and total joke. No. Scratch that. More accurately; it is an insult to the sport we love.
What I saw on display Saturday night is possibly the worst thing I’ve witnessed after decades of playing, watching, and coaching the game. And I’ve seen some pretty horrible stuff!
First of all, there was only 1 soccer player on the field for that team – Jacob Barron. Everybody else?
- There are players who can’t hit a ball properly. I’m being serious.
- The abuse of launching it forward was worse than typical US Soccer. Imagine that.
- I’d be surprised if they ever had a five pass sequence.
- If there was a free kick in their own half, the keeper would take it. And that’s right folks, it was into the box hoping for some luck.
- They have Carlos Boozer playing as striker. And his replacement was a white Carlos Boozer. (ie Not soccer players. And the same holds true with other positions).
- This team makes Cal State Fullerton, usually the butt of my college soccer jokes, look like FCB.
- This is the product you get when you compromise quality in favor of “athleticism”.
Overall, the team’s composition looks something like this:
Technical Quality: 4
Soccer IQ: 4
Usually, these displays infuriate me to the point that I should take blood pressure medication and have a defibrillator on standby. But that night, all I could do was laugh.
It was like watching satire – written, directed, and produced by me – about US Soccer.
And the funniest thing of all – the punch line if you will – UC Davis won the game 1-0! Hahahaha!
Oh man I felt bad for coaches Terri and Yossi from Northridge, who at least try to play something resembling the global game.
My only regret is not taking video. It would have been such a good tool for demonstrating the exact things not to do. Plus, if I’m ever feeling down about how our youth teams are performing, I can always look at this film and feel better.
On the bright side, there’s always room for terrible players who possess the proverbial “athletic attributes” to play Division I soccer. Just hit up Davis!